Monday, 12 November 2012

Depraved Behaviour


Me as a baby

This is a picture of me as a baby - ugly - I think you will agree. However, when I grew into an adult, like the story of the duckling I developed into the proverbial swan. Graceful, good looking and with a serene grace that was a pleasure to behold for all.

Such attractiveness is not without it's problems. Having to avoid the amorous advances of both men and women became an art – pretending to be indifferent and even aggressive to others became a necessary fa├žade to avoid the overload and attention of determined admirers. I made a lot of money re-cycling the mountains paper from fan letters and Bil-let-doux's

There were moments where my defences were down though and such an occasion arose when a lady (I will call her Winnie on account of the fact she may never have made it over Beachers Brook) invited me to dinner at her place and laid out on the table was an array of sheer negligence in underwear and night attire that I was to choose for the desert. I made a pretty fast gallop home I can tell you.

Another occasion was a rather lovely young lady who having achieved a date requested that in stead of Y-Fronts I should wear the special O-Fronts that she had designed. This was in order for her to see me in my underwear without concealing some of my prominent (at the time) most desirable features. Uncomfortably exciting.

It is now that time of year when I take a shower which makes me feel good as well as fresh for a gambol. After drying my svelte and sinuous torso I cavort about naked just to tease and delight my significant other. I realise this is the cruel side of my nature as she finds me so utterly irresistible it is embarrassing. I am always amazed at the fortitude and ingenuity of her resistance to my glory as she rushes off making a guffawing noise.

Of course I appreciate all this is in the eye of the beholder. But am I not a wonder to behold? Such magnetic sexual attraction should not be let out in public.

Next time we meet just look at me through half closed eyes and you will see what I mean.

Hello and welcome to my pages of nonsense.

Pages of meaningless rubbish and odd bits from my brain that I jot down here. You may groan at some of my one liners and think some are profound but what the hell - just waste some time. Let me know
what you think - comments at the foot of each page.
Or email

Idea for a name

Prince Charles, in his garden at Highgrove has an area called "The Stumpary" - an area with old tree stumps which are allowed to rot natrually and grow wild for insects and grubs to make their home.

Some people have wormeries in their garden to allow the worms to process vegetable matter into compost.

I am planning an area for bugs to help with the insect population and I invite your ideas for a name....

I have been really busy today looking out the window...

...and if I get bored I look out of another window.

There was a hole in my memory but I couldn’t look into it because I’d forgotten where it was.

It’s just as well fish can swim.